It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman with a lack of understanding of her true self, must be in want of an adventure. My adventure led me abroad for the first time, visiting the cities of Edinburgh, Paris, and London. I trekked across the pond with a friend and we began our journey in Edinburgh. The feelings I experienced there were nothing short of magic.


As soon as you step on its cobbled streets, you are transported into the pages of a fantastical novel set among medieval architecture and history. It doesn't come as a shock, to know that the Boy Who Lived was brought to life here. Like J.K Rowling, writers like Arthur Conan Doyle, Robert Louis Stevenson, and Dame Muriel Spark have been inspired by this city - a writer's paradise.


"Piled deep and massy, close and high / Mine own romantic town." – Sir Walter Scott


"This profusion of eccentricities, this dream in masonry and living rock is not a drop scene in a theatre, but a city in the world of reality." – Robert Louis Stevenson

Arriving on December 26th, brought some cold weather. We didn't get to experience snowfall, but frosty white grounds would have you believe we did. My hands were constantly freezing replacing a pair of gloves with a camera. I've become interested in the hobby of photography more so after this trip. Making that focused connection between my eyes and the details of the sights that stand out to me, is much like writing. It's a form of expression and telling of its own story. The photos take me back to the scent of wet pavement and the awakening feeling of coming out of a warm building to the crisp air outside. I didn't waste time posting these photos and being distracted by social media. We live in a generation of black mirrors and "pic or it didn't happen," and ignoring this for my trip was the biggest favor I did for myself. If you're traveling, leave the social media behind and enjoy every second there for you because it's over all too soon.

On our first full day in Edinburgh, we grabbed brunch at a Frankenstein themed restaurant and pub. This find was purely by chance as our first plan was to visit The Elephant House, also known as the birthplace of Harry Potter but it was closed. The pub became a happy coincidence because we loved the food and drinks so much. The ambiance was great too and we came back for dinner the next day.


After brunch, we walked to Greyfriars Kirkyard, a cemetery just around the corner from the Frankenstein pub. We walked the entire exterior before finding its entrance and on the route found Victoria Street. Said to have inspired Diagon Alley, it's made up of a handful of small shops each painted its own different bright color.




I've always had a strange obsession with castles. Needless to say, being able to walk through one was one of my favorite experiences. We chose to visit Linlithgow Palace, known for being the birthplace of Mary Queen of Scots. And as a fan of the show Reign, I was geeking out quite a bit. The show may be a loose adaptation, but she has always been an intriguing historical figure to me. Linlithgow Palace is beautiful. It is a ruined castle that sits on a hill overlooking a lake. Walking through the Palace gave me goosebumps, inspiring and haunting. I conjured ghost thinking about the people who would have walked those halls, from servants to royals and the Queen who would one day be executed.

The following day, found us at a fortress that stands proudly in the middle of the city that shares its name. Edinburgh Castle also housed Mary Queen of Scots and is the birthplace of her son, James VI, the King who would unite Scotland and England.


Visting in December, meant we had the opportunity to experience an Edinburgh Christmas festival. It was as cute as you could imagine, a mix of a carnival and marketplace. And on our last night there, we found ourselves sipping hot cocoa, under fairy lights, listening to live acoustic music.

If you read any of my posts from last year, you could sense some dissatisfaction with myself and the way my life was going. Graduating college and leaving San Francisco was a bump in the road I couldn't recover from. I was so happy with myself then, knowing what I wanted and pushing myself to get it. I was inspired and wrote a lot. All the puzzle pieces that make me up had fit perfectly together. But then I left and had to deal with "the real world." I lost some of those puzzle pieces and sank deeper and deeper into this hole of worthlessness. And yet, I didn't do anything to help myself get out. 

I lived each day as a mindless robot doing the same thing every day. With this mundane agenda, it was hard to find inspiration in anything. It was such an abrupt change from my old self, I started to believe she never existed. How could this person who didn't finish a book all year or write more than a couple of paragraphs here and there be that same girl?

In a nutshell, 2017 was my year of existential crisis.

I'm not cured and I continue to lose sleep in anxiety over thoughts stemmed from my insecurities and doubt. That refreshing new state of mind I mentioned earlier is to say that I've accepted it. I've accepted where I am in life and realized I won't be here forever. That is, I won't be here forever if I fix the relationship with myself. Bridging the lost soul of today with the phantom of my past.

Learning to love me is my goal for 2018. After a year of realization and finally acceptance, I want 2018 to be the year of growth and moving forward.

And here are the more specific goals which will contribute to finding that self-love:

• Write more. It is a dream of mine to write a novel but I think before that, I need to finish a collection of short stories that evoke the themes and questions so important to me, to really explore them, make them tangible, to tell a story that matters. 
• Read more. What better way to grow as a writer than reading more inspirational work?
• Save some cash. I bought a car last year and traveled to Europe which I would do again and again. That said, I got set back, on the whole, moving out thing so I'm back at it again this year.
• Improve health. The fact is my self-love is greatly hindered by how I see myself physically and I can't get past it. So, I want to get fit not only to feel better about my image but to live a healthier life.
• Travel. I traveled to Scotland, France, and England a few weeks ago and now I can't help but want to see more and more.