If you read any of my posts from last year, you could sense some dissatisfaction with myself and the way my life was going. Graduating college and leaving San Francisco was a bump in the road I couldn't recover from. I was so happy with myself then, knowing what I wanted and pushing myself to get it. I was inspired and wrote a lot. All the puzzle pieces that make me up had fit perfectly together. But then I left and had to deal with "the real world." I lost some of those puzzle pieces and sank deeper and deeper into this hole of worthlessness. And yet, I didn't do anything to help myself get out. 

I lived each day as a mindless robot doing the same thing every day. With this mundane agenda, it was hard to find inspiration in anything. It was such an abrupt change from my old self, I started to believe she never existed. How could this person who didn't finish a book all year or write more than a couple of paragraphs here and there be that same girl?

In a nutshell, 2017 was my year of existential crisis.

I'm not cured and I continue to lose sleep in anxiety over thoughts stemmed from my insecurities and doubt. That refreshing new state of mind I mentioned earlier is to say that I've accepted it. I've accepted where I am in life and realized I won't be here forever. That is, I won't be here forever if I fix the relationship with myself. Bridging the lost soul of today with the phantom of my past.

Learning to love me is my goal for 2018. After a year of realization and finally acceptance, I want 2018 to be the year of growth and moving forward.

And here are the more specific goals which will contribute to finding that self-love:

• Write more. It is a dream of mine to write a novel but I think before that, I need to finish a collection of short stories that evoke the themes and questions so important to me, to really explore them, make them tangible, to tell a story that matters. 
• Read more. What better way to grow as a writer than reading more inspirational work?
• Save some cash. I bought a car last year and traveled to Europe which I would do again and again. That said, I got set back, on the whole, moving out thing so I'm back at it again this year.
• Improve health. The fact is my self-love is greatly hindered by how I see myself physically and I can't get past it. So, I want to get fit not only to feel better about my image but to live a healthier life.
• Travel. I traveled to Scotland, France, and England a few weeks ago and now I can't help but want to see more and more.